The act of God...after all this years

Hmm...how shall I start this. This might be boring to some but to me it is significant. Ok recently I get to know a lady (R) in melayu-sg and we hit it off so well. We talk like there is tomorrow...and we find out that we came from the same secondary school and she is 2 years my junior.

The more interesting thing is when I was in secondary 4 (normal academic), I was hospitalize for some complications and I have to take my 'N' level in hospital and unexpectedly I did very very well for my 'N' level so the principal make a speech the following morning assembly after the result was out to mention me for doing tremendously well despite taking the 'N' level in hospital. On the day itself I receive a letter from an anonymous writer saying how she was encourage to do well by me and she kind of admire my determination and wish me all the best etc...

I was so curious why out of thousand of students who listen to the principal and there is this 1 student who have the courage to write this appreciative letter to me. I try to find out by asking my form teacher even to extend going to principal office. But to this day I was asking myself who was that person...and you know what, yesterday I just find out after 10 years the person who wrote the letter was the person I get to know mention above (R).

I believe this is act of God...He just wanted me to be patient and at last I get to know the person who wrote the letter. You might think it is just a simple letter but trying putting yourself in my shoe at that age receiving a letter of admiration from some stranger who admiring you from far. She must be quite a special person because out of thousands of student, she is the only one to have the courage to write that letter to appreciate me. And you know what she is single at the moment. Hehehehe...Winkz*

So that's all folk about something very significant that happen just yesterday in the life of #DeVoteD#.

P.S I enjoy going out with both of you ImrAaH and twinKLEs*...hope there many more outing with both of you.

Random...

I try to trust people but always being betrayed and play out. Why are people so devious? Why can’t there be good and nice people who sincerely want to make friends? And why when I am nice and care, people think I have hidden motive? I am very simple. If I like you I tell you that I like you, if I have a crush on you, I will tell you and when I have fallen for you I will tell you.

I know I must try to improve myself as not to tell out everything that I feel and what I my thought is. And I learnt the hard way not to be too honest, honesty can be good but sometimes it backfire. As of now honestly I don’t quite figure out who really will keep in touch with me in years to come. Honestly I rather have friends who are loyal and keep in touch frequently than a girlfriend who is easily jealous for no & slight reason and cheat me.

If you have girlfriends or boyfriends who get jealous for no or slight reason it can be very difficult to live with him or her. That’s why personally sometime it is very difficult to keep it touch with friends who are attached with jealous bf/gf.

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I do believe that good people do exist, people who don’t go for looks, status and wealth. Personally in relationship I look for honesty (kejujuran), sincerity (keikhlasan) dan faithfulness (kesetiaan) (3K) and she can love (menyayangi), accept (menerima) and understand (memahami) me and my career (3M).

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DMasiv

A true friend

A true friend is someone who sees beyond your outer look, to see the inner beauty.

A true friend is someone who sees your ugly side and still loves you.

A true friend is someone you can call up @3 in the morning, if your world is falling apart around you.

I think while most of us will make lots of friends throughout our lifetime, we'll make very few, true friends. Real friendship is extremely rare. Of course, you may be thinking, all the friends who cross our paths throughout our lives are important.

I suppose it's kind of like, in the course of our lives, we'll have many hobbies but very few of them will really influence us deep enough to stay with us for life. But that's okay. Every interest we have enriches our lives; just as every friend we have, changes our lives. In the end, just like we'll have a few passions that will remain to be part of our lives, so too, we might be fortunate to discover a few real friends.

Why is this happening to me?

Hmm... what a day it has been...I have no bad intention but do I have a bad karma? Today I was suppose to catch a movie with S. I met her at CCK Mrt control station at 2.30pm as agreed. But yes I was late for 5 minutes. We met and she seems so quiet. We board bus 188 to go Vivocity at 2.45pm. Inside the bus she told me her 2nd elder sister told her last minute that they need to go to her eldest sister's house at Bedok. I ask her what's her plan but she is not sure.

Cut the story short, we reach Vivocity and she changed her mind about watching the movie because she might be late to meet her 2nd and younger sister to go to her eldest sister's house. So we went to Banquet for a meal, after getting a place to sit...she told me she need to use the ladies. So while waiting for her I was thinking that something was wrong. Then I received an sms from S, saying that she is sorry and she needs to leave asap coz she do not want her sisters to think she never put family first.

The only think I don't understand was why can't she tell me in person and we could get home together since we came to Vivocity together. I do understand family always comes first. She msg me again saying she appreciates me for understanding. So I walk to the interchange to board the bus...while smsg her asking her how is she and did she take the mrt home, but no response. Few minutes later I sms her again asking if she is ok and yet no response. I called her like 3 times and still she never pick up my calls. I was so worried and I sms her again. I waited and just thought maybe she wanted to be left alone. I sms one her last time asking her to call me asap but so far no calls from her.

I need to confide in someone but I got no one as both my good friends are in Malaysia for different reasons. I just do not know what mistake have I done to be ignored like this. I am not like most guys who meet girls and their hands transform to an octopus. Only she herself knows what is actually in her mind and Allah knows. I just hope that she is alright because I can't get throughto her by phone, even called her house but no one pick up. I do not want to think any negative thoughts but if it happens....honestly I do not know what my reaction will be. I am sure there is an explaination because I, for once never think bad of people especially the ones I love.

Mum always want the best for us...

I confide in my mum and aunt about the problems that I have and yes they might give simple answer but it means a lot to me. They say if the gal is for me and she really do accept me the way I am she will understand why I did what I did. And as a human we must not be selfish and narrow minded...we must always try to put ourselves in others' shoes and see from their point of view also.

And yes misunderstanding after misunderstanding happen...human makes mistakes and normally small mistakes, so we just have to forgive and move on...if people already hate us, what I was taught is to let them be because Allah never ever hate us for whatever crime we did. And if it is just because of a small mistake others hate us then they just cannot accept that we human makes mistakes and maybe they need time.

And yes I lie to someone that I did not accidentally "terlelap" while talking to her and when it happen the second time while talking to her...she put down the phone. I lie because I just don't want the conversation to stop. Guys I did lie but honestly I lie because my intention is good to continue talking...if I was really sleeping I wouldn't know she had put down the phone and straight away I sms her. But honestly I always pray for her to be a better person, to be less hot tempered and hope she can lead a happy life with whoever she likes because I know there are at least 2 more guys who are interested in her. I can live a single life like it use to be in the past 1 year.

And yes I do sometime need emotional love as I can live without physical/sexual love. If I can withstand and be discipline for the past 28 years of not doing anything sexual,why not now? Yes I am going to be a 30 year old virgin soon...haha but what the heck...I have always been the minority...why would I follow the crowd when the crowd are basically doing the wrong thing.

Anyway yes my mum did say if she is the one I am interested in - do really love me, she will accept me the way I am. If not it is either I am just not her type or she is more interested in someone else. If she do then I pray for her happiness because if I really do have feelings for her I just want her to be happy and lead a meaningful life. Because of her I have gone through "volcano eruption", " tornado" and "earthquake" but currently after the "earthquake" it is like becoming a "tsunami". Can I survive in this kind of friendship/relationship...honestly only Allah knows.

DeVoTeD....DeVasTaTeD

The past few days has been one of the worse if not worst days of my life...
There is a lady that I have been head over heels with and I knew she likes me at least a bit. (I do find out it's true) All start with my MSN profile message "Who would you choose the one you love or the who is in love with you?" Let's call this lady S...she told me I should choose the one who is in love with me instead of the one I love...and I don't know what happen the next thing that happen is I kept messaging her without any reply asking her why would she say that and what the reason...but she remain silent. I try to get her by smses, calls and MSN but either she reject the calls or don't reply my messages.

So I talk to a guy friend A, he is the one who introduce me to the lady who is in love with me. I told him what happen...yes it's is my fault for getting to know the lady A introduce but I just want widen my circle of friends. A introduce me to N...and N was immediately "fall in love" with me just in 1 day. So A told me to give him S number so he can explain to her the real situation. I was very reluctant to give S number but A told me to trust him and say not to worry he will help.

And so I give A the contact number of S...to cut story short A flirt and try to seduce S instead of helping me. I treat A as a friend and yet he do this to me. A is actually attached to another fren D who is close to me before she is attached to A. I am the sort of person always see good in everyone directly put I ignore my godsister advice that A is so called playboy. I don't mind if he want to flirt with any other gals but why the gal that I as his friend in love with. How could he??

Even A's gf D knows he like to flirt but I don't really mind as long they are happy together but why must he do something to interupt my happiness instead of helping me, he says to S "How I wish I had known you earlier?" and so on...and at night S called me I thought she ready to forgive me and although she forgive me but she is furious that I past her number to A who is seducing her. S told me not to contact her anymore and she delete me from her friends list although I beg and cried. I never been let down by a guy in my life before because only my exs play me out and make use of me. He told me he was testing S to see what type of person she is and whether she will cheat or hurt me. Do you believe him or do you think he is covering his line???

Now there is nothing I can do as every messages I sent to S is without reply. Calls are rejected. Honestly I feel I don't deserve to be punish this way because it is my first mistake I had made like this. I know S is confused and I have to give her time. I just need the strength now as I have not slept the whole night till now....Only Allah can help me now as no human can.....

What mistake have I done?

MY MIND IS BLANK NOW! BUT IT IS FULL OF THOUGHTS.

SOMETIMES IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE HONEST.

I AM NOT GUILTY OF ANY WRONG AND YET I AM BEING IGNORED.

What a misunderstanding?

Hi there...hmm early morning I got a misunderstanding...shall I say it is my fault. I was just frustrated and I told my best friend who is female that "Semua perempuan sama!" I was just wrong damn wrong, I am sorry ImrAaH...I just couldn't control my emotion at that point of time. I can never take it back and of course you knew I didn't meant it. You regard me as your closest and best male friend and yet I said that you are the same as most women when you are not. I was touched when you say "Awak seorang kawan yang paling mulia dan baik yang pernah saya kenal." Thanks for still messaging me as usual today after you lectured me earlier and I know I need it. I am just a normal human being. I just hope it won't spoil our friendship that have been strong for 2 years.

Other than that, this Tuesday I got a "stress test" in hospital. It is a 2 phase test whereby the doctors check my pulse and heart rate. One when I am resting and one when I am tired after running on a treadmill. It is once-a-year test because I ever "die", my heart ever stop for a full 10 minutes when I was in coma in 2004 and if you have read my earlier blog in friendster blog you would have known.

That's all for now. I am so remorseful for what I have done. I do make a lot of friends but ImrAaH is the one who is closest to me so far and never ever did she not show any concern for me and yet I said the wrong sentence when i know well that not all women are the same. Frustration has gotten the better of me.I know I have apologize but never can I turn back time. :-(

It's 2 weeks past 2009

It is the new year so I start fresh with a new blog.

Hi there it has been 2 weeks into 2009 but I am still jobless. The only thing I can do is search for more jobs and be patient. Friends come and go as usually but yes there is a few that stays…even though we don’t contact as much. Kind of bubble someone today…sorry Jon..I am not feeling well. Got 6 miss called from him to accompany him to go shopping for his Chinese New Year clothes.

Life have not been great this few weeks a lot of misunderstandings and unpredictable things happen. To diana *twiNKLes and Dante ndFTer all the best. I have no hard feelings. If you are meant to be together that is great.

Someone who have not contact me for quite sometime did contact me. Oh well I ever kind of interested to know her and yes if given the 2nd chance why not. She is my friends as always. Thanks for remembering me and yes I rather people go to me when they are down and sad.

Hmm I get to know a married women who so call close to me now but yes she is MARRIED! We are friends and don’t know for how long because her husband is being release soon. Yes..RELEASE from prison. But she is one of few who can click with me.

Ok that’s all for now friends. Read if you wish ignore if you would.